That, I think, is the only way to sum up 2021.  

Each time I’ve sat down to write my “Christmas letter”, I’ve been overwhelmed by the mish mash of conflicting memories, thoughts and feelings of a year with so much to celebrate, yet so very much to lament.

Asked recently to nominate my “word of the year”, I chose “languishing”, framed in this NYT article as the dominant feeling of the year.

With New Zealand’s borders remaining effectively closed – yes, even to our own New Zealand citizens abroad, apart from the lucky few who ‘score’ a ticket to hotel-based quarantine, and can afford to pay for it – there are more family than ever that we will be missing at our Christmas table this year.

It’s a global pandemic – I know this, and I’m deeply grateful for the early response in New Zealand and Australia that kept us safe while the scientists worked in truly miraculous ways to deliver not one but many vaccination (and now treatment) solutions.  What happened next in this part of the world has been bemusing, distressing and just plain dumb.  Bumbled efforts to get early access to the vaccines – explained away under the “be kind” mantra of allowing them to go to  other countries that needed them more than we did – meant we were late to the vaccination party, and virgin territory for the new variants that crept in during the year.

This allowed fear and misinformation to spread – making it harder to vaccinate vulnerable populations, and providing a rationale for even more fear-based government control of our lives.  Having grown up in a country where a regime ruled by fear, I recognise the signals.  The one line mantras, the orchestrated press conferences, the compliant media…  but then I take heart from the knowledge that at least our politicians are well-meaning, and that ultimately, New Zealanders are not genuinely as compliant and sheep-like as we have been made to appear in the past two year.  Hope springs eternal.

And while I fear the consequences of building public compliance on a culture of fear, I am paradoxically pleased that this has ultimately resulted in massive uptake of the vaccination when it did finally arrived, with over 90% of eligible New Zealanders now double vaxxed. A cause for celebration indeed.

There was also much to celebrate personally this year. 

Isabel and Matthew – now 9 and 12 – took to home-based learning like the proverbial ducks to water, and both had stellar school years despite the challenges.  Lockdowns meant that we saw far too little of them in person, truly missing the hugs, the always interesting conversations  and the sleepovers.  

Alfred Ernest Hall arrived in March, a lockdown grand-baby, in London.  Having missed Rob & Jenna’s lockdown wedding last year, Peter and I set off on what was perhaps our most adventurous trip ever, navigating international travel in covid-times, to spend a glorious two months with them in London (with a side trip to Greece) midyear. 

Seeing your own children turn into amazing parents is perhaps one of life’s greatest joys, and both Pip & Howard, and Rob & Jenna continue to make us so very proud.  We are also deeply grateful that all of them have been able to continue working, in jobs that sustain them, not just financially, but emotionally as well.

The challenges of 2021 were many, with so little to be certain of, and so much damage all around us, at a global, societal and personal level. 

I did not cope well with lockdown – turns out that although I say I work from home, being forced to do so (as opposed to working from cafes, shared office spaces and other people’s offices) really does not work for me at all.  The real meaning of being an extrovert – taking your energy from interactions with other people – was laid bare, and I know I became that crazy woman, constantly outraged about something, large or small.

Through 107 days of lockdown in Auckland, I kept myself sane with the small challenge of writing a limerick each day. Some were good, some were truly awful – and some prompted friends and family to chime in with their own contributions. This taster from my last one on Day 107….

Thinking it seems, is a very lost art
So easy it is to deal just with one part
they taught us to fear
death of those we hold dear
at expense of society breaking apart

Worse than my first world angst, however, was the impact of lockdowns on Mum.  Aged care facilities were particularly fearful of the virus getting in, seemingly unaware of the devastating mental effects of isolation on their residents.  During much of the lockdown periods, residents were not even allowed to form small support groups to have a simple cup of tea or conversation with each other.  Technology challenges meant that video calls were difficult.  This took its toll on Mum’s cognitive function, and her quality of life.  And while things are better now we can see each other again – the long term damage remains.  Very sad.

My brother Don in Melbourne has been a pillar of support during this time – somehow, it’s been possible to grow closer despite the forced being apart.  With several trips to Auckland booked and then aborted at the last moment during the year, he hasn’t seen Mum, or his two children here, in almost two years, and will be missing out on being at his firstborn son’s wedding in March.  His lack of a NZ passport means he can’t come in, even if he did get an MIQ spot or the long-promised self-quarantine is introduced – that’s all for NZ citizens & residents only.

And so we head into our annual Christmas feast with depleted numbers, and with a firm resolve to live each day to its fullest.  In 2022, we will take our opportunities to do what we can when we can, especially things that bring us closer together.  We will accept unpredictable outcomes – and be flexible and agile in making our plans.  We will vaccinate, and self-test…  and be careful but not fearful. 

We will avoid stupid people like the plague – because they may actually be carrying the plague – and we will hug those we care about, in the knowledge that we and they are doing all we can to stay safe.

It will be a year of travel – cautious, unpredictable  travel, but travel nonetheless – as the world re-opens, with or without the Hermit Kingdom of Aotearoa.

From our whanau to yours, we wish you the merriest of merry Christmases, wherever you may be, and may all your wishes for 2022 come true.

Noho ora mai | Look after yourself

Debra

So said a text message just received from someone I haven’t seen in years despite us both living in Auckland.  “Must fix that next year”, I thought…  along with all the other things still on the “getting round to it” list.

It is the nature of an impending “new” year that we look forward with optimism.  There’s something about “new” that signals “improved”, “different”, better…. or maybe I’ve just been around marketing messages too long.  That big yellow flash across the package saying “New, improved” means you simply have to try it again.  And mostly, it’s true.

For me, each year is indeed better than the last one – better for the expanded experiences it brings, the expanded understanding of the people we love, and the expanded sense of appreciation for what has gone before and what is still to come.  So before the 2015 adventure begins, I wanted to share with friends and family the year that’s been.

Yes, this is the new, improved Christmas letter – previously send by snail mail, occasionally by email, sometimes not sent at all – and now just putting it out there.

For me and Peter, 2014 has been a year of celebration.  We closed off 2013 with an amazing whirlwind visit from Rob and his lovely Jenna – an introduction for her to the wonders of New Zealand, and finally the opportunity to get to know Philippa, Howard and the kids a little better.  Long will we remember the family trip to Rotorua, the infamous “horse vs cow” incident that resulted in a 48 hour standoff between Izzy and Uncle Rob;  and Howard’s amazing rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on a tourist bus in the middle of the night!

Suffice to say that the new-found sisters bonded, the kids thought Aunty Jenna was just the coolest visitor ever (sorry, Uncle Rob!) and while we know that NZ will never replace Canada in Jenna’s heart, we sent them back to London knowing that there’s more than one place in the world to call “home”.

Jenna, Rob, Pip, Matthew, Sara, Izzy and Howard in Rotorua

I suppose you might say our year went downhill from there, with Peter’s Dad sadly deteriorating in health, passing away in May.  But honestly, the memories of that time of pain are fading fast, and are being replaced with the joy of celebration.  In February, we celebrated his and June’s 60th wedding anniversary, with a gathering of the Auckland whanua at Anne’s place.

And his funeral was not so much a mourning of his passing as a celebration of his life – he would have been immeasurably proud (and no doubt slightly embarrassed) at the wonderful tributes from family members, at the Rhodesian army flag draped over his coffin, and by the lone poppy respectfully placed on the coffin by NZ’s most recent recipient of the Victoria Cross.  I think he would have been particularly proud of little Izzy, at just 5 years old, standing up in front of the church, reading out her speech in a big loud voice, continuing the family tradition of ‘speechifying’.

From the church, the funeral moved to our place, where many stories were told and much whisky consumed in his honour.

A month later, Peter and I travelled to London for a memorial service, arranged by Rob.  With three of Sid’s grandchildren in London, it seemed fitting that we gather there in his honour also.  And what a gathering it was – over a dozen people together, each with his or her own unique memories of Sid – all the way back to his university days.  We were so very pleased to have serendipitously picked a date when Pam Zipp was visiting from South Africa – her memories of Sid pre-dated all of us!

And so life went on.  Some other big ‘number’ celebrations this year have included our 35th wedding anniversary, 40 years since our “first date” and Peter’s big 60, just this week.  But the biggest number of all – or at least I think so – was Izzy turning 5 and starting school!

She took to school – like everything else in her life – with gusto.  Suddenly it was okay to try new things, and she embraced that.  Reading took off at rocket-like speed, French is interesting, science amazing…  but the favourite subject is, unexpectedly, PE (physical education).  So much so that at the mid-year prize giving, she was awarded one of just two PE prizes in the whole school.  Clearly it was not just me who was deeply touched by her determination to finish her 1km “cross country run” despite her little and uneven legs!  “Go Izzy” has never been a more heartfelt cry!

She has had an amazing year at St Kents for Girls, and was awarded the class progress prize at the end of year prize-giving, recognising her all round achievements this year.   The principal described her as “a girl who brings energy and enthusiasm, as well as a caring attitude, to all that she does” – Go Izzy indeed!

Matthew turned two in March, and is very much holding his own as the younger sibling.  He is agile and adventurous – his daddy would say, risk-taking – and every action is accompanied by a torrent of well-constructed commentary.  In a family of talkers, Matthew has decided to join in the conversation with the same confidence that he brings to all his endeavours – the words just flow, and flow, and flow…  

Highlight of his year – I think – was the arrival of Pumpkin “my best friend”.

A dog completes a family – or so I believe – and while Pumpkin’s early days with the Gilberts were a little rocky (Howard never having had a dog before), she has become a valued member of the family – and honestly, almost a reincarnation of our beloved Piglet who left us last year.  Now we just have to get Tin Tin to accept her new cousin!

We are so lucky to have Pip and Howard, Matthew and Isabel living nearby here in Auckland – it is the nature of New Zealand that we send our young people out into the world;  having grandchildren at home is a luxury, and one for which we are thankful.

We’re also thankful for the wonderful au pairs who have come into our lives – young women who have arrived as strangers, bravely undertaking to join our family for about a year, take on two super-confident children and live with us to experience New Zealand family life.  Alex, Carly, Sara, Nina and Tea – there will always be family waiting for your visits back to New Zealand, and hopefully one day Matthew and Izzy will get to surf your couches in Europe and beyond.

A small highlight of our year has been the regular “waifs & strays” dinners – most weeks when we’re in Auckland, Peter and I enjoy sharing dinner with not only Pip, Howard and the kids, but a motley selection of others, most notably, the cousins who are in Auckland, friends who are home alone and so on.  Many weeks the number swells to 12 or more people – just casually sharing a meal over sometimes hilarious, occasionally rowdy, but never boring conversations.

No “year in review” would be complete without a bit of a travelogue…  and yes, we certainly did travel.  The tales of our trip to the Dolomites in Italy (with Peter and a small group of “vintage” cyclists), with a detour to Rwanda to see the gorillas on the way home, are documented in the archives of this blog – but suffice to say, it was an incredible journey.  The food, wine and scenery in Northern Italy are beyond description, and the face to face encounter with a troop of gorillas unlike anything else I have ever experienced.  Not a wildlife experience so much as a human encounter.

No sooner back in Auckland than we were off again, this time on a super-relaxing week in Rarotonga with my mother, Pip & Howard, Matthew, Izzy and Tea.  A week of doing nothing but sea and sand, punctuated with the daily coconut opening ritual, and regular walks up the road to the bakery for coffees and pastries, was just what the doctor ordered.  Mum thoroughly enjoyed the family time – and thought Raro was absolutely idyllic.  A great family holiday.

And so to the end of year.  One last set of pictures, from the St Mark’s sunday school pageant – with Izzy in the starring role as the Angel Gabrielle.  A speaking part, no less!

Christmas is upon us.  The tree is up, the food about to be cooked, the presents wrapped.  Santa has confirmed to Izzy and Matthew that they’ve made it onto the “good” list – only just.  This year, we’ll be gathering at Anne & Willy’s place – one of the bigger years, with 36 people!  Fantastic to have Don & Helen over from Melbourne (and looking forward to Michelle and Jesse arriving on Boxing Day).  We will so very much miss Rob & Jenna, Jessica & Richard, Catherine – all in London (well, Jenna in Canada actually), and Lindsay, Robert & James, spending a Jamieson Christmas in WA.

To you, and yours, we wish you blessings at Christmas, and for year ahead.  May we all, in 2015, take joy in everything we see and do, in the people whom we love, and who come into our lives, in being together, and even in being apart.  There is so much to celebrate.  Mere Kirihimete!