Reflections on life, family & friends

Pairing for Parky

/ rugbymother / 5 Comments

I state this with certainty:  There is more wine in our cellar than we can drink before we die.

What started as an interesting hobby, to accumulate a bit of nice wine to drink on special occasions, has turned into an obsession to never, ever have to drink young wine!

And while my other half tends (and continuously stocks) said cellar, I cook.  I cook to eat, I cook to share, but most of all, I cook as to create.  My children would know I’d had a rough day if they arrived home to find me chain-baking, tins lining up along the kitchen counter to take their place in the oven as others came out.  The perfect stress-reliever – particularly with a perfect glass of wine in hand.

When I taste good wine, there is an immediate question in my head:   “but what should I be cooking to eat with this?”  No doubt to the frustration of my fellow wine tasters, waxing eloquent about the nose, the floral tones, the spicy notes;  I instead am talking duck with cardamom, or garlicky rosemary lamb, sticky soy scallops, delicate poached salmon…

So when I was asked to donate an item for a charity auction, to support a colleague recently diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease, I hatched an elaborate plan.  A pairing for Parky, a matched food and wine dinner for 10 people – at home, because charity, of course, begins at home.  It sounded like a good idea at the time – but on the night, with close to a thousand dollars paid for what was simply “dinner at my place”, I have to admit to a small feeling of trepidation.

It’s an entirely different proposition, you see, serving up a dinner to invited guests of your choosing than to people who’ve actually paid (albeit to a good cause) to be sharing your food and wine.  I tried starting with the wine – but my husband was adamant: sort out the menu first, then he would match the wine.  So that’s what we did.


Our guests arrived to Hibiscus bubbles – a light but decorative flute of preserved hibiscus flowers in a local NZ Deutz methode champenoise.  As they sipped, they nibbled on red onion balsamic tarts, and blue cheese gougones, the tart richness offsetting the sweetness of the hibiscus.

Then on to the perfectly set dinner table, complete with bone china, silver and crystal…  usually reserved for very special family occasions; but nothing like a well set table to add a touch of “special” to an event.

A minor complication – one of our guests was vegetarian (thankfully declared well in advance, so easily accommodated).  More daunting, another an ex-chef…  Deep breath, let the service begin!

To start, herby haloumi cigars, on a salad of vegetable tabbouleh.  The crisp crunch of the phyllo pastry, with the interior richness of the cheese a perfect match for the rounded honey waxiness of a 2010 Alberino.  A grape so popular in Spain, yet little know here in NZ, where Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay tend to divide white wine drinkers into two entrenched camps, almost to the exclusion of all other varietals.

The main course was deliberately simple, designed to provide a backdrop for the wine, a beautiful perfectly aged 2002 Penfolds Bin 407, not quite at its peak perhaps, but a taste sensation nevertheless.  A classic cabernet sauvignon from an iconic Australian winemaker.  The roast beef fillet a tad overcooked – too much conversation at the table, my one near disaster of the evening – but no one seemed to mind.  Roast field mushrooms replacing the beef for our lone vegetarian (these too overcooked, go figure!).  I steered clear of the obvious chocolate sauce, preferring to complement the mocha and blackcurrant tones of the wine with fresh crisp green beans and bright tomato salad – and of course, the melt in your mouth beef fillet.

Cheese came next – a French custom that to my mind provides a perfect transition from the serious food just eaten to the frivolous food to come.  A beautiful blue and aged cheddar from Whitestone, a small local producer, with Pinot Noir jelly…  And a choice to stay with the Penfolds (definitely my pick) or move on to the aged Riesling that was to come with dessert.

Foregoing my natural tendency to equate dessert with chocolate, I went for an easy-to-match lime coconut pudding, with a tiny glass of homemade limoncello on the side (for pouring over the pud, of course) while sipping on the gorgeously rich and limey 2003 Mesh Riesling.

Our wines had taken us around the world, from New Zealand, to Spain, through the Barossa & Eden Valleys in Australia.  Our guests were replete, the cook self-satisfied, the cellar a little emptier…

Most of all, we celebrated that a simple dinner party could contribute so much to our colleague’s lifelong project to support Savong School in Cambodia, a mission becoming ever more challenging for him as Parky impacts his life.

And so we paired up for Parky, pairing our food and our wine, our cooking and our hospitality, our effort with our guests’ generosity, to support a Kiwi doing good work half a world away.  And it was good.

An entry into the #MWWC21 challenge

wine-stain1-3

Namibian wisdom

/ rugbymother / Leave a comment

DSC_0320Lessons from the Quiver Tree
(source unknown)

Sink your roots deep into the ground

Stand tall and proud

Accept your natural beauty

Make a difference just where you are

I saw this quote on the reception desk at our hotel – loved it so much I just had to share!  The quiver tree is not in fact a tree at all, but an aloe, with a fibrous stem that the San people used to make quivers for their arrows.

The birthday bash in the bush

/ rugbymother / 3 Comments

No better excuse than a twin 60th birthday to gather with friends and family in the African bush.

The birthday party itself was planned to be a low-effort affair, with the lodge down the river doing all the hard work – but first there was this small matter of a birthday cake. Lindsay had come prepared with cake tins, chocolate, ground almonds and baking paper, and the famous Annabel Langbein gluten free chocolate cake recipe.
I have to say I was more than a little sceptical of the undertaking – making two cakes simultaneously, with a recipe relying on the beaten egg whites for “rise”, in a completely unknown oven that had proven itself to be more than a little temperamental in the preceding days!

But a grand team effort from the “ladies in the kitchen” – Lindsay, Caroline and me” delivered a fantastic result. Dr Google came to the rescue next day with a recipe for butter icing that didn’t require icing sugar (the forgotten ingredient) and there you have it – a two tier birthday cake fit for the occasion!

DSC_0424

The rest of the party (another 10 to match our already settled 10) started arriving before lunch on the day of the birthday – fortunately lots of vegetarian leftovers in the fridge – and then retired to the lodge where they were staying for an afternoon nap before the real party began.

DSC_0432DSC_0430DSC_0428
So very much enjoyed seeing people from this and other parts of the world that were part of our youth – some not seen for 30 years or more! With the added bonus of also seeing many of the missing cousins…  My goodness, if only I could get them all to NZ, family dinners would be spectacular! Well, more spectacular than they already are, of course.

Philippa, Robert, Jessica and Sarah, you were sadly missed. But very cool to see Catherine, Adrian and James together in one place, and to meet Max and Charli and their respective partners.

DSC_0427
Although there were no speeches planned – just some “thanks for comings” from birthday boys Robert and George – Robert did then, in true kiwi style “open the floor” to everyone else, encouraging those who wanted to say something to speak. More than a few took up the opportunity (yes, cannot tell a lie, including me). Prize for best speech of the night, however, goes to Charli’s fiancé Lee – a newcomer to the group, about to marry into the family, and probably also the guest least likely to fit in (boy, were we wrong about that!). His speech was brief, and to the point – he talked about how he too comes from a big, very close family, but they all live very close together, work together in the family business… And how this extended Jamieson family he is marrying into proves that you can still maintain really close family bonds even as you are scattered on the four winds to the very corners of the earth. A thought worth remembering, and one which sums us up so very well.

Dinner included such old favourites as peri peri chicken livers, pap and works, with tomato onion gravy, and of course lots and lots of braaivleis! Much red wine was drunk, tales of our youth revisited… Thank goodness for Johan our trusty ranger waiting to drive us back to our own house down the river – a short but circuitous bumpy dirt track, populated by wildlife including a herd of kudu eating the aloes in the neighbour’s garden!

DSC_0426
Never intended to be a one trick pony, the birthday celebrations continued the next day at our house, with much wallowing in the pool, and yet more food, glorious food, after an emergency supplies dash into the supermarket in Komatipoort when it became clear we would not be able to stretch our supplies far enough – loaves and fishes came to mind. Thank heavens for Sonta, our lovely housemaid, who unflappably dealt with the continuous stream of dirty dishes and glasses, returning them to the counter only to find them in immediate use again.

And then there was time for one last evening game drive with everyone – two vehicles going their separate ways, but meeting up for sundowners at the hippo pool, and the final farewells to the birthday visitors, before the rest of us retired back to our slothful ways for a few more days.

DSC_0482 DSC_0505

As I surveyed the gathering, I couldn’t help but reflect on how un-South-African I feel. Somehow, others -despite having been away for decades – have maintained that easy connection, that common ground, visibly reflected in the way that many gatherings (this one included) break up into the men’s group and the women’s group (even when there is not an obvious reason like men braai’ing the meat and women making the salad.

DSC_0488

As I stood to one side, with some of the next generation, I realised that I didn’t fit in either group, but that that was not really the point. Fit it seems, is more about what’s in your heart than what’s on your birth certificate, and the words of my mother rang in my head “South African by birth, Kiwi by choice”.

My Scandinavian Daughters

/ rugbymother / 3 Comments

The contention that “blood is thicker than water”, originally proposed in an ancient German proverb, may well be true, in a rational, physical sense. But reality is that shared familial experiences can create and expand family ties and bonds well beyond those dictated simply by an accident of genetics.

A few years ago, my daughter Pip changed us all by inviting a succession of young women into our lives, and our family.  Initially ‘sold’ as a childcare solution, the au pair system allows kiwi parents to ’employ’ a young visitor from abroad, providing board and lodging, and a relatively modest fee in exchange for 40 hours a week of not just childcare, but love, discipline, entertainment and mind expanding learning experiences for their children.

The au pairs – generally young women aged 19-22, and a few young men – invest their own savings in what they no doubt hope will be a grand adventure.  The system should provide them with not just a small wages to fund their New Zealand adventure, but a loving, caring safe “home base”, from which they can venture out to explore the best of our wonderful country, while at the same time experiencing the reality of being part of a “real” kiwi family.

Of course, there is really no such thing.  The parenting styles that parents will no doubt exhibit when their own kids reach their late teenage years are quickly revealed when they find themselves “in charge” of young au pair, and often unprepared for the reality of having a young adult not just caring for their kids, but living in their home.

Sadly, over the past few years, our wonderful young women have brought home newfound friends, and tales of others, who are being treated as little more than servants, being subjected to crazy ‘rules’ and, the thing perhaps that upsets me most, not being given the family experience for which they saved so hard and paid so much.

The organisations that facilitate the matching are naturally predisposed to take the parents’ side in any conflict – after all, the parents represent “repeat business” paying a placement fee every 6-12 months for their new au pair, while the au pairs pay once, for a one-off experience, be it good, bad or downright ugly.

We’ve seen girls refused permission to entertain their friends at home, fired because they didn’t wash the windows well enough, forced to walk the children to school and kindy and after school activities in foul weather, despite having a drivers licence and there being a perfectly good and very ordinary car sitting idle in the garage!  We’ve transported girls denied the use of the spare car outside their working hours, seen one left at home with the baby for a week while the rest of the family go on holiday, another denied the option to take her leave in blocks of more than a few days at a time.  All of this, I put down simply to lack of employer experience on the part of the host parents, and a failure of the au pair organisation to fully brief them on their responsibilities as well as their rights.  These are not bad people.

But to paraphrase an old nursery rhyme, when it’s good, it’s very very good, and so it has been with us – at least from our side of the story.  Our first, the lovely Alexandra from Denmark, was embraced as a friend , a younger sister, a surrogate daughter, so much so that years on, she is currently back in our home, as a six-month-boarder for the summer, seeing a bit of the NZ that she missed the first time around.  Alex brought sanity to my daughter’s household, a competent nanny for baby Matthew and consistent guide for Isabel.

Next came Sarah from Sweden – completely different, but somehow just what the children needed at the time.  Quieter and more circumspect, she controlled Matthew’s impulses, providing Isabel with encouragement to venture out into the wider world.

Carly was Pip’s next choice, unusually from the USA, and a bundle of positive energy.  Sadly a medical condition intervened, giving us only a few short weeks to get to know her before she had to cut short her New Zealand adventure.  We continue to follow her quests to use her life to make a difference, with love and admiration… And treasure the brief moments during which we were all part of that.

Nina had a different approach to the experience; her mission was to experience New Zealand to the full, and that she did.  Her calming influence and firm hand with Matthew came at just the right time, and we loved having her here – of all our girls so far, she was the one who left most sure of her place in the world, most convinced that her homeland is where she truly belongs.  My sense (and my hope) is that being with us made her more certain of herself.

And so I get to Tea, the lovely Tea from Sweden (though as we keep reminding her, a part of Sweden that has more often been part of Denmark than of Sweden).  Seeing her and Alex converse in what we have come to call Dwedish surely confirms this to be so.  Tea has truly “been here, done that” packing more into her experience than any other.  She has gathered friends – not just other au pairs, but young kiwis, including nieces and nephews and their groups of friends.

Both Tea and Alex, I think, are testing out the idea that one day they too could be “kiwis by choice”.  They have embraced not just the immediate host family, Pip, Howard and the kids, but become part of our wider rambling and enormous whanau, comfortably navigating the grandparents and great grandparents, the aunties, uncles and cousins, with all the vagaries, quirks and family weirdness.

For more than any, Alex and Tea have become my Scandanadian daughters, the younger sisters that Pip hasn’t had till now.  Recent visits from both their mothers have cemented our relationships even more – every mother wants to know that her daughter has a mothering influence in her life, when she cannot be there in person.

And so we build our family – and so we build a private, personal diaspora of international family; a world wide net of more-than-friends for Matthew and Isabel to visit, and to enjoy one day when they head out into the wider world.

Wouldn’t it be great if Izzy could one day have her own au pair adventure, caring for the children of one of our Scandinavian daughters?  Meanwhile, I take joy, and pride, in the way these young women, all of them, have become part of our family, and allowed us to become part of their present and hopefully future lives.

Mere Kirihimete!

/ rugbymother / 2 Comments

So said a text message just received from someone I haven’t seen in years despite us both living in Auckland.  “Must fix that next year”, I thought…  along with all the other things still on the “getting round to it” list.

It is the nature of an impending “new” year that we look forward with optimism.  There’s something about “new” that signals “improved”, “different”, better…. or maybe I’ve just been around marketing messages too long.  That big yellow flash across the package saying “New, improved” means you simply have to try it again.  And mostly, it’s true.

For me, each year is indeed better than the last one – better for the expanded experiences it brings, the expanded understanding of the people we love, and the expanded sense of appreciation for what has gone before and what is still to come.  So before the 2015 adventure begins, I wanted to share with friends and family the year that’s been.

Yes, this is the new, improved Christmas letter – previously send by snail mail, occasionally by email, sometimes not sent at all – and now just putting it out there.

For me and Peter, 2014 has been a year of celebration.  We closed off 2013 with an amazing whirlwind visit from Rob and his lovely Jenna – an introduction for her to the wonders of New Zealand, and finally the opportunity to get to know Philippa, Howard and the kids a little better.  Long will we remember the family trip to Rotorua, the infamous “horse vs cow” incident that resulted in a 48 hour standoff between Izzy and Uncle Rob;  and Howard’s amazing rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on a tourist bus in the middle of the night!

Bohemian Rhapsody FB post

Suffice to say that the new-found sisters bonded, the kids thought Aunty Jenna was just the coolest visitor ever (sorry, Uncle Rob!) and while we know that NZ will never replace Canada in Jenna’s heart, we sent them back to London knowing that there’s more than one place in the world to call “home”.

DSC_0233

Jenna, Rob, Pip, Matthew, Sara, Izzy and Howard in Rotorua

 

I suppose you might say our year went downhill from there, with Peter’s Dad sadly deteriorating in health, passing away in May.  But honestly, the memories of that time of pain are fading fast, and are being replaced with the joy of celebration.  In February, we celebrated his and June’s 60th wedding anniversary, with a gathering of the Auckland whanua at Anne’s place.

DSC_0463 DSC_0470

And his funeral was not so much a mourning of his passing as a celebration of his life – he would have been immeasurably proud (and no doubt slightly embarrassed) at the wonderful tributes from family members, at the Rhodesian army flag draped over his coffin, and by the lone poppy respectfully placed on the coffin by NZ’s most recent recipient of the Victoria Cross.  I think he would have been particularly proud of little Izzy, at just 5 years old, standing up in front of the church, reading out her speech in a big loud voice, continuing the family tradition of ‘speechifying’.

Izzy's speech

From the church, the funeral moved to our place, where many stories were told and much whisky consumed in his honour.

A month later, Peter and I travelled to London for a memorial service, arranged by Rob.  With three of Sid’s grandchildren in London, it seemed fitting that we gather there in his honour also.  And what a gathering it was – over a dozen people together, each with his or her own unique memories of Sid – all the way back to his university days.  We were so very pleased to have serendipitously picked a date when Pam Zipp was visiting from South Africa – her memories of Sid pre-dated all of us!

P1120503 P1120506

And so life went on.  Some other big ‘number’ celebrations this year have included our 35th wedding anniversary, 40 years since our “first date” and Peter’s big 60, just this week.  But the biggest number of all – or at least I think so – was Izzy turning 5 and starting school!

She took to school – like everything else in her life – with gusto.  Suddenly it was okay to try new things, and she embraced that.  Reading took off at rocket-like speed, French is interesting, science amazing…  but the favourite subject is, unexpectedly, PE (physical education).  So much so that at the mid-year prize giving, she was awarded one of just two PE prizes in the whole school.  Clearly it was not just me who was deeply touched by her determination to finish her 1km “cross country run” despite her little and uneven legs!  “Go Izzy” has never been a more heartfelt cry!

DSC_0074

She has had an amazing year at St Kents for Girls, and was awarded the class progress prize at the end of year prize-giving, recognising her all round achievements this year.   The principal described her as “a girl who brings energy and enthusiasm, as well as a caring attitude, to all that she does” – Go Izzy indeed!

Matthew turned two in March, and is very much holding his own as the younger sibling.  He is agile and adventurous – his daddy would say, risk-taking – and every action is accompanied by a torrent of well-constructed commentary.  In a family of talkers, Matthew has decided to join in the conversation with the same confidence that he brings to all his endeavours – the words just flow, and flow, and flow…  Matthew & Pumpkin Feb 2014

Highlight of his year – I think – was the arrival of Pumpkin “my best friend”.

A dog completes a family – or so I believe – and while Pumpkin’s early days with the Gilberts were a little rocky (Howard never having had a dog before), she has become a valued member of the family – and honestly, almost a reincarnation of our beloved Piglet who left us last year.  Now we just have to get Tin Tin to accept her new cousin!

We are so lucky to have Pip and Howard, Matthew and Isabel living nearby here in Auckland – it is the nature of New Zealand that we send our young people out into the world;  having grandchildren at home is a luxury, and one for which we are thankful.

DSC_0503

We’re also thankful for the wonderful au pairs who have come into our lives – young women who have arrived as strangers, bravely undertaking to join our family for about a year, take on two super-confident children and live with us to experience New Zealand family life.  Alex, Carly, Sara, Nina and Tea – there will always be family waiting for your visits back to New Zealand, and hopefully one day Matthew and Izzy will get to surf your couches in Europe and beyond.

A small highlight of our year has been the regular “waifs & strays” dinners – most weeks when we’re in Auckland, Peter and I enjoy sharing dinner with not only Pip, Howard and the kids, but a motley selection of others, most notably, the cousins who are in Auckland, friends who are home alone and so on.  Many weeks the number swells to 12 or more people – just casually sharing a meal over sometimes hilarious, occasionally rowdy, but never boring conversations.

10498163_10152116725781601_5610052626524866968_o

No “year in review” would be complete without a bit of a travelogue…  and yes, we certainly did travel.  The tales of our trip to the Dolomites in Italy (with Peter and a small group of “vintage” cyclists), with a detour to Rwanda to see the gorillas on the way home, are documented in the archives of this blog – but suffice to say, it was an incredible journey.  The food, wine and scenery in Northern Italy are beyond description, and the face to face encounter with a troop of gorillas unlike anything else I have ever experienced.  Not a wildlife experience so much as a human encounter.

DSC_0857image

No sooner back in Auckland than we were off again, this time on a super-relaxing week in Rarotonga with my mother, Pip & Howard, Matthew, Izzy and Tea.  A week of doing nothing but sea and sand, punctuated with the daily coconut opening ritual, and regular walks up the road to the bakery for coffees and pastries, was just what the doctor ordered.  Mum thoroughly enjoyed the family time – and thought Raro was absolutely idyllic.  A great family holiday.

image18DSC_0243 DSC_0114  10710776_10152290321141601_8126068720506766279_n

And so to the end of year.  One last set of pictures, from the St Mark’s sunday school pageant – with Izzy in the starring role as the Angel Gabrielle.  A speaking part, no less!

DSC_0307DSC_0332

Christmas is upon us.  The tree is up, the food about to be cooked, the presents wrapped.  Santa has confirmed to Izzy and Matthew that they’ve made it onto the “good” list – only just.  This year, we’ll be gathering at Anne & Willy’s place – one of the bigger years, with 36 people!  Fantastic to have Don & Helen over from Melbourne (and looking forward to Michelle and Jesse arriving on Boxing Day).  We will so very much miss Rob & Jenna, Jessica & Richard, Catherine – all in London (well, Jenna in Canada actually), and Lindsay, Robert & James, spending a Jamieson Christmas in WA.

To you, and yours, we wish you blessings at Christmas, and for year ahead.  May we all, in 2015, take joy in everything we see and do, in the people whom we love, and who come into our lives, in being together, and even in being apart.  There is so much to celebrate.  Mere Kirihimete!

DSC_0009